About A Girl
by alindy
Summary: "Everyone called her wise, smart little Lucy. She wasn't like Susan who grew up too fast and was too caught up with boys...if only they all knew." *possible thoughts from voyage of the dawn treader in the head of a caspian-loving Lucy*


**I've been trying to work on some stories without dialogue to work on my descriptive writing, and this is what came out of it.**

**Just some random thoughts about Lucy in love with Caspian. I've had this on my computer for too long so I'd thought I'd get it off.**

**I know! Two stories posted in one day: first a firefly story and now a Chronicles of Narnia! What's wrong with you? I have no idea. **

**Enjoy!**

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><p>Everyone called her wise, smart little Lucy. She wasn't like Susan who grew up too fast, who was too caught up with boys.<p>

If only they all knew.

If they all only knew that on the most beautiful Narnian ship ever created, when she had worn Caspian's long tunics, when Eustace had still been a nuisance, and when she was in the only place that made her truly happy, she had fallen in love.

The days had been long and the sun hot, the arduous work made her body fatigued, but she didn't care because she wasn't in England. She had a feeling that it was soon going to be her last trip here, and when she wasn't going to be able to be in this land anymore, she knew it was going to break her heart.

She tried to stop herself from thinking of him, but it turned out this was harder than the manual labor on the ship was. He was a king, a fantastic one: kind, smart, funny, and quite charming. She had yet to meet one person back in England like him and started thoroughly wishing she would have paid more attention to how those girls used to flirt with the soldiers at home.

It wouldn't have mattered even if she had, she reminded herself, because she was still in the body of a young girl. She may have the mind of a woman, but all you saw, more importantly he saw, was a young girl who just happened to be wise and good at many things she had been trained to be good at when she was queen. She sometimes couldn't even see what she had grown up to be when she had been a queen anymore; all she began to see was a little girl that never grew up fast enough.

Sometimes she thought that maybe he felt the same way when they talked about Narnia and he had that look in his eyes, but the look was always fleeting and when it was gone she always convinced herself she had imagined it. Who knows, maybe she did.

Lucy thought she would be capable of keeping all of her emotions in check and well hidden, but Edmund knew her too well. Out of kindness he never said anything out loud or to Caspian, but he looked at her with a sad look she tried to ignore. He knew as well as she did that there was no future, not even a possibility of one. So he let her imagine one, anyhow, because he didn't have the heart to tell her otherwise, he liked to imagine being able to stay in the rich lands of Narnia too. He was levelheaded enough, though, to realize he would have to pick up the pieces of her broken heart when they returned to England.

Ramandu's daughter was another blow to Lucy's ego entirely and it wasn't one she was able to ignore either. It was bad enough being shadowed by Susan's beauty, but to have to stand next to a half-star wasn't even a battle she could trick herself into believing she could win. It made her think again about how she could have dueled, ridden a horse, or performed in an archery competition better than her. She was still in the body of a little girl, however, and she realized that that was all that mattered in this competition.

She held on too long when the time finally came for them to go home. It wasn't only Edmund that could sense her secret now, because Aslan had always known her better than she knew herself and he looked on with a look that was too hard to identify: happiness and pity all rolled into one. She may have held on too long, but as she walked through that pathway back to the land she knew would be her permanent home from now on, she couldn't help but wish she had held on longer. She thought about a future she wished could have taken place with a man who had one already firmly set in front of him.

No one, no one but Edmund that was, knew exactly why she was so quiet at first when she came back, why she didn't act like the Lucy they all remembered and needed. She tried to hold onto the memory of the feeling, the adoration and love, but it became too hard and it hurt too much: so she tried to let it go.

Lucy knew that once a king or queen of Narnia always a king or queen of Narnia, but she started wishing that it wasn't so hard to remember that. She was a queen that didn't show it on the outside and couldn't tell a soul. Some wondered how and why she was so poised and talked so eloquently, but they attested it to her being an old soul in a young body.

No matter how hard she tried to ignore what happened to her, she couldn't; Lucy then realized that she would never be able to. It hurt, but even then why would she want to forget about the greatest place she had ever been? So she tried to focus on schoolwork and being 'helper Lucy' and 'smart, little Lucy', but she could never stop the wandering of her mind to the charming boy on the ship in a land that she so wished to rejoin.

She didn't think she'd ever be able to.


End file.
